At one point or another (and probably over and over), my clients hear me talk about the power of “good enough” because good enough is the sweet spot that breeds contentment, joy, and satisfaction.
In our capitalist culture that so highly emphasizes having the most, being the best, and constantly striving for more, “good enough” can be really difficult to embrace. After all, we’ve been taught to think that “good enough” means that we’re no longer trying to become better which means we’re stagnant–and what’s worse than being stagnant?!
But, when we take a moment to really think about it, “good enough” just makes sense. Do you or someone you love struggle with perfectionism? Do you find yourself feeling self-critical because of how intensely you really wanting to be a great *fill in the blank* (with say: parent, child, friend, employee, partner, athlete, coach, boss, etc.)? Striving for perfection and greatness breeds self-criticism, and often anxiety and depression. Self-criticism, anxiety and depression symptoms often include irritability, frustration, sadness, and difficulty feeling present. Symptoms like feeling irritable, frustrated, sad, and disconnected lead you feel even further from perfect, great, or “good enough,” which leads to more self-criticism, and now we’re stuck in a cycle.
However, when we embrace “good enough” as the sweet spot between not caring at all and caring so much about getting it “right” that we measure ourselves against outcomes that are never achievable, we allow ourselves to start arriving as we are. Not only are we able to settle into self-acceptance, we are also able to approach ourselves with compassion when we make mistakes and move forward in new and empowering ways rather than beating ourselves up.
DISCLAIMER: Seeing yourself and others as good enough does NOT mean that harmful behaviors are acceptable. Good enough is the space in between harmful and perfect. If you or someone you know is engaged in harmful behaviors, seek professional guidance.
If you’re not sold on the idea yet, here are some of the positive ripple effects you can expect to experience when you step into the power of “good enough.”
1. You feel more secure in your relationships
When you let go of the idea that you have to be perfect in order to be “good enough” for your relationships, you get to arrive as your full, honest, and authentic self, and discover that the people around you actually do love you for you. Is there any better feeling in the world than knowing that the people in your life choose you as you are?
2. Other people get more comfortable around you
When you are able to embrace yourself as “good enough” in all of your flawed glory, other people begin to feel more comfortable trusting that you will also see them as good enough.
3. Young people in your life learn that they can make mistakes and are lovable all the same
When you apply the rules of perfection to yourself, the young people around you can absorb the message that they also need to try to be perfect in order for them to be good enough. Show them they are good enough by showing them that you aren’t trying to be perfect. It’s multigenerational healing, and how’s that for motivation!
4. You start to feel better
Imagine the relief of letting go of self-criticism by embracing the idea that you are good enough. Imagine how you will be able to move forward in new ways when you approach your mistakes with compassion and encouragement to try again instead of with belittlement, self-judgement, and fear about what it means if you mess up again.
Instead of locking yourself into repeating the same mistakes over and over again, embracing the power of good enough actually frees you up to try new things, to grow, and to accept yourself as you fumble through life as all of us do.
Where will you start?
The good news is that you make mistakes whether you’re trying to be perfect or not, so at this point, you might as well let that go! I know it’s easier said than done, so if you find yourself really struggling with how to embrace your power of good enough, it’s a great idea to work with a licensed therapist.
Here are some other ways you can start embracing the power of good enough today:
- Introduce the phrase, “I’m learning to see myself as good enough” into your thoughts. Practice saying that to yourself when you notice self-criticism creeping in.
- Practice giving yourself the grace you give to others.
- Be curious about how you learned that you aren’t good enough, and consider how those messages were not true.
- Recognize that it’s going to take some time and effort to get there, and that’s okay! You don’t have to perfect being “good enough.” That defeats the whole purpose!
- Embrace the idea that you don’t always have to feel good enough in order for it to be true that you are good enough.
- Give yourself credit for trying even when it doesn’t work out the way you had hoped.
